“It shouldn’t be that complicated,” is a comment I hear frequently from struggling couples I work with, referring to marriage.  But the reality is, marriage and romantic partnerships are very messy and complicated.

Think about it, when you share a living space with another person, tie your finances together, negotiate sexuality, and the countless decisions that daily life demands – well, of course, things can go badly.

Then there’s the baggage we bring from our first family and all of the unresolved issues of the past, to say nothing of adding children to the mix.

So, it’s not at all surprising that even the best marriages go south and look dysfunctional when anxiety spirals out of control.

Recently, I happened upon an HBO drama miniseries called Scenes From A Marriage. The show, based on Ingmar Bergman’s 1973 mini-series with the same title, re-examines the original depiction of love, hate, desire, monogamy, marriage and divorce through the lens of a contemporary American couple.

What we witness are two people who seem to have it all – successful professional lives, a child and a robust social life.  However, they cannot help but hurt each other whenever they’re in the same room, whether intentionally or by accident, purely because they know each other so well. They are a couple that doesn’t work well together but can’t live without each other. They play off each other, like all couples.

Couples seek out my help when they are at a breaking point and tearing each other apart emotionally.

With life’s complexities, sometimes it can seem impossible to maintain that partnership. Some couples find it easier to go their separate ways. For others, it’s a better choice to work on the relationship.

If your relationship has hit a bump in the road, rest assured it happens to just about every couple.

There’s no doubt you can iron out some of those bumps on your own. But sometimes you can’t find your way forward.

That’s where couples’ counseling comes in.

Sure, counseling can work. That’s not to say it can save every relationship. Whether or not it works depends on several factors. The most important thing is that you’re both fully invested in the process.

My final thought:  Yes, romantic relationships are messy, complicated, and full of ambivalence.  But, the truth is we can’t live without them.

Warmly,
Dr. Deb